An Irresistible Invitation

When I was sixteen years old, my family moved from the glitter and glam of Southern California to the small town of Roanoke in the mountains of Southwestern Virginia. I was a junior in high school and like any other new person in a new community, I knew no one except for the people I had met at my dad's office that summer.

The very first day of school, I sat down in the second row of study hall. I always liked sitting a row or two back in class - not right in front staring up the teacher's nose, but close enough to where the teacher would see that I was interested in learning. Study hall wasn't any different. I knew I would not be one to clown around, so I just did what I always do and sat toward the front.

That day, the study hall teacher gave us an opportunity to talk with the people around us. So I figured I would turn around and introduce myself. I hadn't met anyone yet, and lunch break was coming! It was scary back then, thinking about heading to the cafeteria and sitting down with complete strangers. Fortunately for me, a sweet girl from Texas just happened to be the person sitting behind me. Amazingly, it was also her very first day at this Virginia school. We became instant friends.

The world's first selfie, circa 1989, with my sweet Texas friend

A short time later, she invited me to join her on a trip with her church. I chose to go for social reasons mostly, because I really liked her. I also hoped to get to know some other people and be happy in my new environment. That church trip was memorable for two reasons. First, I experienced my first real kiss with a boy. Now that is getting socially acquainted! The second reason the trip was memorable was because it was the first time I heard the truth about who Jesus Christ was.

I always had considered myself a "good person," even at the young age of sixteen. A year or two before that, early in high school, I had made commitments to avoid alcohol and drugs. I also had made a personal commitment to stay pure sexually until marriage. My friends for the most part described me as a sweet and smart girl who loved everyone including all my teachers - a real goody two shoes.

At that young age I also recognized myself as a "spiritual" person - someone with deep thoughts and emotions. Even though I wasn't raised in the church, there was no doubt in my mind that God was real. As a young person I had already seen both American coasts, the Grand Canyon, the giant redwoods in California, and the plush Blue Ridge Mountains changing colors through the seasons. I innately knew those things had to be designed and created by an intelligent being much greater than I.

My spirituality went beyond just knowing there was a God though. I had some head knowledge of who Jesus Christ was, based on things I'd heard over the years. I didn't have any trouble intellectually believing His birth was the reason Christmas was celebrated and His death and resurrection was the real reason behind celebrations at Easter. But something inside of me wanted to know more. I desired to learn more facts about who Jesus was, and I longed for an emotional connection with God.

The church trip with my new friends was fun. I remember staying up past light's out giggling with my Texas friend as I described my first kiss to her in detail. That is something we still giggle about to this day! Our group sang songs by a campfire and rode paddle boats along a lake. There were also small group meetings where we would talk about things that were all new to me. In one of these meetings, the youth pastor asked us all to answer the question, "Who is Jesus?" Not coming from a church background, I was happy I could come up with an answer at all to avoid embarrassment. When it was my turn to answer, I recall saying, "He is God's son." The pastor was satisfied with that answer, so I exhaled a sigh of relief. As we continued around the room, one of the kids answered the question this way:

"He is God."

That answer came as a huge surprise to me. I didn't know about the concept of the Trinity at that time, and I never before had considered Jesus Christ to be the same God who created all those beautiful things I had seen around me growing up. That one answer, "He is God," jump started my spirit and caused me to seek more answers from some Christian friends I met on that trip. I began attending church after that time and got to know a sweet young mother who taught our high school Sunday School class. She was kind and accepting of me even though I am sure she knew I was an outsider, part Yankee, part California girl. She must have sensed I was searching. One of the things I remember her doing was encouraging the other kids in class to reach out to me and help answer any questions I may have had. So they did. My sweet friend from Texas bought me a Bible for Christmas, and a few others came to my house to answer my questions. My spirit was attracted to and comforted by the Bible the more I read it. I was also grateful my friends cared enough about me to try and help me believe in this Jesus they spoke of. When I was alone in my room, I would pray to God and ask Him to help me to have clarity about what I was learning. All I wanted was to believe. It was as if I knew this was my future, but my spirit wouldn't quite let go of its own pride.

A short time later, we all were singing in a youth choir concert at church. At the end of the service, we were lined up against the walls singing our last song. I suddenly felt a comforting warmth come over me, and I heard God tell my spirit that it was time to just believe. So I did. It was an irresistible invitation, and I accepted it. In that very moment, a divine exchange occurred between God and me, and it felt amazing! As I accepted Him, He accepted me. I knew in the deepest parts of my spirit that because of that decision, my eternity with God was secure. His Holy Spirit came to live inside me that day, and I have never been the same since.

Throughout high school and college, I followed Jesus. Day by day, I would read devotionals and pray. Unlike many college kids, I continued to abstain from the party scene and sexual activity. I married young and served in the church. My desire was to follow God, but I was also confident in my own ability to make good choices. In my twenties and thirties, I felt like I was a good person capable of making the right decisions, and I wanted other people to know it. The truth was I was filled with pride and didn't even realize it.

Honestly, I don't think I was alone in my thinking. Most individuals think they are good people, and if asked, would answer with, "Yes, I am a pretty good person." In fact, many of us spend a large portion of our lives trying to make others think we are good people and that all is going well for us. Particularly in social circles, we seek to bring ourselves glory and to magnify all that is good about us, so we will be well liked. Social media has only increased the natural inclination to puff ourselves up.

The perception we have of our own goodness also shapes our judgement of others. Society generally holds the belief that humans do and should possess more innate goodness than evil, so when something seems askew from our world view, we judge. We have all seen that idea played out during this presidential election as supporters of each side assume the worst about followers on the opposing side.

Perhaps because we take on the role of judge, measuring what is considered bad or good among our peers, it has contributed to the overwhelming societal view that this is also how the creator of the universe views things. When it comes to eternal matters, many in our society believe that our good deeds versus our bad deeds will be what is ultimately judged by God, and it is that measure of our overall life that will determine our eternal destiny.

Television and movies perpetuate this thinking by selling the idea that at the end of our lives, we all will cross the pearly gates and our maker will stand us in a judgement line to determine our final worth based on how we've chosen to live. The thought is our good deeds will be weighed against our bad deeds. God will look at your life on earth and determine that you were mostly good, thus giving you a pass into heaven. Recently polls suggest that a large majority of Americans believe in heaven, and most of those same people believe they will make it there based on their own worth or good deeds done on this earth.

Some mainline Protestant Christian denominations and most Catholic churches regularly teach this philosophy as gospel: that good works are what truly matter in this life. And that is tragic, because it isn't about being good enough. None of us could ever be good enough in our own merit to match a matchless God. One sin - just one mistake - separates us from the creator because He is perfectly good and sinless. Even the holiest among us falls short at least once. This is why God originally instituted the sacrificial system among the Israelites before the birth of Christ. According to Scriptural and historical accounts, only a blood sacrifice from an innocent life could atone for one's sins and restore one's relationship with God. Animals were innocent, so a lamb would be chosen to atone for sins and draw people to God. The Israelites later tried to follow the law recorded by Moses, but the law's purpose was ultimately to show people how impossible it was to follow in full.

The essence of the true Christian message is that our spiritual merit before a perfectly Holy God could not ever be based on what we do. Something drastic had to occur to bridge the gap between our sinfulness and God's holiness and to make it possible for human beings to experience communion with Him. God the Father chose to send His one and only Son, the very essence of Himself, as a mediator for all of humanity. That man's name was Jesus Christ. That kid back in that small group meeting was absolutely correct. Jesus is God! He was the culmination of the Passover Lamb.

God has created us as relational beings, so our spirits long to have a relationship with Him. That longing is stirred for some as children, some, like me, as teenagers, and some at different stages of adulthood. Be sensitive to that feeling when it comes, because that is God calling you to Himself.

When we recognize our inability to be good enough and acknowledge Jesus Christ as that mediator for us, to just believe as I did that day after the youth choir concert, a divine exchange occurs for us. His sacrifice on the cross covers our smallest and biggest sins. All of it is wiped away forever. That fact allows us to stand before God and spend eternity in heaven. Not because of us, but because of Him!

Recognizing your true human nature is important, because it allows you to seek humility and allow the glory to be where it belongs - with God alone. When we understand what Christianity really is, we can also share the gospel authoritatively in love, because what Christ did for us is miraculously loving.

Understanding the true Christian message was a process for me personally because it is easy to believe what society is teaching. My human nature - and yours - is to want to take some credit. However, something happened to me a few years ago, and a process has taken place in my soul to get me to a point where the song "Amazing Grace," truly means something to me. I had to be broken. The years surrounding my divorce were a spiritual turning point. Any security I had in my former marital commitment was ripped from me. People I thought cared abandoned me. I made some mistakes too through that time causing unnecessary pain for others. Some of the losses have not been recovered, but some beautiful things have come from all that pain. The Lord brought me Jonathan. I have never known love like what we experience daily. God has also drawn me to Himself in ways I never thought possible. And miraculously, a person I hurt deeply in my life offered me complete forgiveness. I hope to write about that particular situation more in the future, because the love and forgiveness she displayed toward me significantly impacted me.

I am grateful God is bringing me to a place where there is less of me and more of Him. It is a freeing feeling to know His love for me is not at all dependent on what I do or don't do. It is completely - totally - dependent on what He has already done. Worship increases and pride decreases when we recognize this truth and take the focus off of ourselves. An irresistible invitation is open to all.

Where Are You Mr. Bird?

We have a couple of cages for our parakeets, and on occasion I like to open them up and use the doors to build a bridge between the two houses. The birds seem to enjoy that because they have a change of scenery and can step between cages to visit with each other. Their excitement level increases as they jump in the bird bath and sample each other's food. 

Sometimes, one of the parakeets will slip out around the gap between the two cages, climb around the outside, and glide down to the kitchen floor. I have trained them to remain in a small section of the floor under one of our tables, and normally they are very good at staying where they belong. On occasion, however, Mr. Bird, our original bird and the most curious of our nine parakeets, likes to venture a few feet outside that small area. I call him my "little explorer." When I am close by, I just shoo him back into the safe zone under the table. The birds are surprisingly obedient and routined. For the most part, they have learned where they are safest and happiest, and that is staying within the boundaries I have established for them.

Last week in the rush of leaving for work, I neglected to close the cage doors back up. As soon as I walked in the house a few hours later, I felt an "oh no" kind of feeling and prayed that all the birds were either in their cage or their designated spot on the floor. I did a quick count and soon realized that Mr. Bird was not where he belonged.

Knowing he had to be in the house somewhere, I walked around searching for him and called, "Where are you Mr. Bird?" Suddenly I remembered a time when he glided down to the living room then flew down a little further into the foyer. Low and behold, I walked down two sets of stairs and there Mr. Bird was resting below a hall table in the unlit foyer.

Mr. Bird in the foyer (only it was dark)

 

What I knew, but what Mr. Bird did not know, is that his home in the kitchen was only about 20 feet away. But because he had made a couple wrong turns to get down to our foyer and was now standing in the dark, the little parakeet had absolutely no idea how to get home. Mr. Bird was not going to fix this problem without his master's help.

As I approached Mr. Bird, I wrongly assumed he would be thrilled to see me and step right up onto my welcoming hands. He actually freaked a little, flapped his wings and tried to run then fly away from me. Amazing how despite years of caring for him, my little explorer didn't recognize I was actually there for a rescue! I was able to corner him by the front door then gently scoop him up. Cupping my hands over Mr. Bird protectively, I spoke sweetly to him and carried him back home to safety.

There was a time in my life not too many years ago when I was just like Mr. Bird. I got curious and left the safety of God's protective presence. I walked outside the bounds of holiness an inch, thinking I was better than the boundaries. And before I knew it, I had run many feet away and found myself in a very dark and lonely place. Have you ever felt deep in a dark hole? If so, you know it is difficult to remove yourself.

The good news is, our master, the Lord of the universe, cares so much for us. He seeks us out, like I sought out Mr. Bird when I knew he wouldn't be able to find his way back home alone. As his master, I wasn't going to give up until I found that little explorer. And God doesn't ever - not ever - give up on us either. Be assured that He will search for you - even if you're in a bad place or flapping around in protest, thinking you can find your own way out. His love for you is custom made and very personal. He cares enough to corner you if necessary then cup you up in His hands and carry you where you will be safest.

It may be tempting to explore a little - to venture a few steps outside the safe zone. My advice to you is don't do it. The risks are not worth it. Mr. Bird was fortunate - the only damage done to him was being alone and lost in the dark for awhile. He could have crashed into a window or eaten something he shouldn't have while satisfying his curiosity.

Temptations are everywhere. Stay alert, and be committed to remaining within the bounds of God's safe zones. If you're past that point, have already flown off, and are now standing alone in a spiritually dark place, please know your Master is right there. Picture Him bending down, opening His merciful hands, and inviting you to step up to safety. He will carry you home.

Parakeet Pursuit

Two of our six parakeets, CiCi and Sprite, are less than a week away from becoming first time parents! CiCi, our beautiful turquoise parakeet rescue, laid five eggs a few weeks ago, and it has been fascinating to observe the pair innately adjusting their behavior in preparation of their offspring's arrival.

Since removing the other four parakeets to an alternate cage, CiCi, the Mama bird, spends a large portion of her day and night in the nest box. When she hears one of us walking nearby, she peeks her head out to be sure there is no imminent threat. I speak to her, she looks at me for a few seconds, then pops back into the nest box, moving her eggs around to better position them for incubation.  CiCi is noticeably thinner as the only time I have seen her feeding the last month is when Sprite passes food to her directly. That behavior is excellent practice for when the babies hatch. In addition to feeding the babies himself, Sprite will also pass digested food to CiCi and then CiCi will feed the babies.

While CiCi is busy caring for her eggs, Sprite normally sits on the top perch. This allows him to protect CiCi and the nest from a high viewpoint. The last few days I have noticed an increase in his appetite. I am hopeful this means the time for hatching is near! Sprite's favorite time of day, however, is not when he is eating. Rather, his entire demeanor changes when CiCi leaves her nest for a few minutes and engages with him. They will move from perch to perch, groom and feed one another. Sprite fluffs his feathers, speaks to CiCi, feeds her, and occasionally dances for her. CiCi likewise enjoys picking at his feathers and receiving food from him. They are adorable together.

When CiCi goes back to her duties in the nest box, Sprite quiets down, and I observe a noticeable difference in his mood. On a few occasions, I have looked in the cage and been unable to find either bird. In those moments, Sprite overcomes his dislike of a dark box to keep his mate company in the nest.

It has been so fascinating observing these two lovebirds come together over the past few months and then transition to preparation for parenting. After being the only unpaired birds in our cage for several months, one day the two of them finally showed signs of courting. Mating came a short time later.

As someone who has always had dogs as

pets, becoming a parakeet parent was an interesting transition for me. They are the easiest pets I have ever had and are surprisingly social. Because my children are away from home several weeks in the summer, and last year I didn't have a job or friends in our new town yet, admittedly I bonded with the birds. They talk a lot during the day, so they filled the silence left by my missing children. I have also found that observing them often teaches me something about human life.

Most of my observational time the last year was directed toward CiCi, because prior to bonding with Sprite, she had a difficult life. I have also found her exceptionally

intelligent. We rescued CiCi from a local shelter where she was formerly the companion of another female bird. We chose to introduce her to our sweetest parakeet Bert, since our other four parakeets were paired off. Bert and CiCi successfully paired a few weeks later. The two of them were as in love as two birds could be. She had a special, sweet, high pitched call designed just for Bert. They were so meant for each other, I started calling them Jonathan and Laura! However tragically, last spring, Bert unexpectedly passed away. CiCi instantly became a different bird due to the trauma of losing him. Her sweet personality disappeared as she began snapping and squawking meanly at the other parakeets. Despite our attempts to introduce her to a new parakeet, Sprite, she spent about three months last spring and summer "alone." Ignoring any and all attention from Sprite and clearly mourning Bert's death, my heart broke for her. I sincerely believed she would never recover. Watching her in our kitchen, my tears flowed and prayers were lifted for my sweet CiCi. I also felt bad for Sprite, who continually pursued and was rejected by CiCi.

The day I saw CiCi respond positively to Sprite was a very happy day in our home. Our entire family rejoiced when CiCi finally opened her heart up to Sprite in August and they paired. The rest, as they say, is history.

Observing these precious creatures is a valuable spiritual exercise for me, because I regularly learn lessons from them. CiCi has taught me to persevere and trust God's sovereignty even through painful loss. Animals do mourn. I witnessed her grief every day. It was very real for her, and I doubted Sprite would heal her from the trauma of losing Bert. Week after week, my husband would compassionately say to me, "they will bond, just give her time." He was so right! She did find great love and companionship in Sprite. She chose to reopen her heart. CiCi is a very happy bird because of Sprite, and now she is going to be a mom!  If God could answer my prayers about my parakeet, provide her strength to overcome her obstacles and then bless her with joy, of course He can also be sovereign in my life!

Likewise, I have watched Sprite patiently pursue, care for, and protect CiCi. He waited months for her, never giving up on her even though her heart was cold and closed for a time. He protectively watches over her from above, and he rejoices when she joins him. Sprite's behavior is a beautiful picture of how Christ loves us. We are often God's stubborn and hurting bride. How often do we squawk at God and push Him away because of pride? And yet He just waits, lovingly and tirelessly pursuing us, until we finally decide our need for Him outweighs whatever is keeping us from Him. The sweetest moments in our lives are found when we are in complete fellowship with Him.

One of the things I am most grateful for in this life is how patient - yet persistent - the Holy Spirit is with me. There have been periods in my life when I refused to see the truth and beauty that was right in front of me because I was too stubborn to see past my own selfishness, pain, and fear. Like my Mama bird CiCi, I pushed away the One who loved me the most because wallowing in my grief or staying frozen in fear felt more comfortable than trusting Him. CiCi makes the choice every day now to submit to what is clearly the better life for her - trusting Sprite's love and protection. He is her perfect companion.

Christ can and should be ours.

Pastor Bobby - Part 2

Every morning, I remind my son Bobby to wet his hair in the back, because it has the tendency to stick up in the air like a chicken. Most mornings he listens and comes down the stairs with a perfectly wet down head. Except for this morning. I looked at him and said, "Bobby, you need to wet your head. Your hair is sticking up in the back." Anticipating my comments, Bobby looked me straight in the eyes and calmly replied, "Well Mom, I think God wants me to wear it like this today. That way, if someone looks at me and says something to me about it, I can tell them God cares about someone's heart, not about what someone looks like on the outside." He then paused and thoughtfully said, "I am pretty sure that's what God told me to do." (Mama is Melting...)

Literally two minutes from needing to walk out the door to the bus stop at this point, I realized what a significant spiritual moment this really was. So I hugged him and said, "Okay honey, that's so awesome. You know there's a verse in the Bible about that. Let me find it for you." So I grabbed his cell phone, opened up the YouVersion Bible app, and found 1 Samuel 16:7, which says:

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 

Bobby loved the verse, so he told me he was going to memorize it. And he meant now. It did not matter that he had a bus to catch. As I stood there holding his backpack and lunch bag while he put on his sneakers, listening to him say the verse over and over again, I was utterly amazed. How incredible, my son is about to miss the bus because he wants to memorize Scripture! Not too many twelve year old boys are like this one. I am so blessed to have this gentle young man living in my home with me. What a privilege it is to raise him up in the Lord. My precious Pastor Bobby.

My Favorite View Today: Pastor Bobby

One of the greatest blessings of my life is watching my son and daughter grow in their faith. This morning, as Bobby was eating breakfast, he pulled out his cell phone. Instead of watching video game tutorials or texting, Bobby opened the YouVersion Bible application and completed his daily devotionals. His cell phone's main purpose now is for growing in Christ, because every morning Bobby has the same routine. He has made spending time with God and learning about Him his top priority. Jonathan and I are so proud of him! Bobby's spiritual persistence is an inspiration to me, and this is why we call him, "Pastor Bobby."

My Favorite View Today: Piggyback Prayer Warrior

What a blessing to have a husband who begins the day on his knees. Rachel decided to join him, so I had the privilege of seeing and hearing the prayer today. :)

Later in the day, on our way out of the Dulles Plane Pull event, Rachel jumped on Jonathan's back again! I am tremendously grateful to have such a loving family.

My Favorite View Today: Szechuan Wonton

When we visit Roanoke, Jonathan and I enjoy stopping

by Szechuan Chinese Restaurant for a bowl of Szechuan wontons. Even more fun is texting a picture to my dad so his mouth can water! This was his favorite restaurant, and our family's favorite dish there, for over twenty years!  Even though we moved away, when we walk into Szechuan, the staff knows us and asks, "how many orders today?" ~

My Favorite View Today: Leesburg Premium Outlets

We are blessed to live less than a mile from the Leesburg Premium Outlets. I don't venture over there often, but when I do, amazing deals can be found! Today for $35 I bought my little princess a Vera Bradley lunchbox, an Aeropostal skirt, and a yummylicious bag of freshly made kettle corn. The best part though wasn't what we bought. It was the time we spent, hand in hand, walking through this beautiful hometown mall together. Her smile was my favorite view today. ~

My Favorite View Today: Setting the Table for 4

Setting the table for 4 knowing it is not temporary!

My Favorite View Today: Mamoun's Falafel

One of the things I love most about my husband is how cultural he is. Jonathan is familiar with the best foods from many regions throughout the world, as well as where to find those dishes right here in the U.S. A few years ago, Jonathan introduced me to the falafel sandwich, a ground chickpeas patty deep fried then paired with a yogurt sauce, lettuce, tomato, and onions all stuffed into a pita. Falafels can be found in many Greek or Middle Eastern restaurants in this country, but it is not every day that you can have a falafel from a restaurant listed in 1,000 Places You Should See Before You Die. Today we drove a little out of our way to dine at the New Haven Mamoun's Falafel Restaurant. We topped the world famous falafels with Mamoun's ghost pepper hot sauce and even secured a jar to bring home. The recipe is so top secret it was sold to us in an unlabeled mason jar! My favorite view today was staring down into my falafel sandwich, but whoops, I forgot to snap a picture! So my husband took a shot of us outside the restaurant after our bellies were full. ~

Dead Heading

This summer we moved our family to the beautiful historic town of Leesburg, Virginia, located thirty miles northwest of our nation's capital. Jonathan and I are renting a townhome close to Bobby and Rachel's award winning new schools. My cousin and sister's best friend from high school live only a few minutes away. All the shopping pleasures one could ever imagine are within walking distance, and I have only a five minute commute to my new position at a local Hilton hotel. The ice cream truck, playing Christmas music year round, visits our neighborhood regularly! We are loving this diverse community and our new church home as well.

One of the most pleasant surprises for me is how much I am enjoying townhouse living. There is a limited amount of maintenance required on this property. What a nice change for us! Substantially downsizing due to both financial necessity and also the desire to simplify, I also really like having such a small yard to care for. It never gets out of control or unmanageable like my acreage in Southwest Virginia did. We can spend our free time doing activities as a family rather than working on the property. And even though my yard is small, thankfully my head still clears itself every time I kneel in front of the flowers and manicure my little garden slice.

It is during this yard time that my brain seems to reset and the creative juices start flowing. It has actually been several months since I've written anything. Moving is a busy task, that's for sure. So is focusing on acclimating my little angels to their new community. Everything is going great, and we thank God every day that He has brought us to this amazing place. Now that we are settling into our family's new routine, that all familiar writing nudge has returned! I am praying in the midst of the busyness, some time can be carved out to pen some of these ideas swirling around my head.

Jonathan and I have a thin landscaping area lining our driveway and were looking for something that would grow out to cover the area with color. So after moving in, we planted one of my favorite flowering plants: lantana. Known for its gorgeous flowers and resiliency, lantana requires very little maintenance. Just plant it and let it grow, I thought, because I have had decent success with this plant in every yard I've planted it in previously. Lantana is consistently a good looking and good acting plant, at least to the casual garden observer, which is what I am.  We also placed lantana in this spot in hopes that the plants would grow and cover a crooked brick border along the driveway. So far, so good.

One afternoon recently as we arrived home, Jonathan looked over at the lantana and said, "I think we need to dead head those plants." Confused, I said "really? I've never done that to lantana before. I just leave them alone and they seem perfectly fine." Stepping out of the car, my husband sweetly motioned me to come over to him and take a more careful look. "Laura," he gently asked, "before we work on these plants, do you see the differences in the buds?"  Bending down, I approached them with a casual glance. The differences appeared minor and were actually a bit challenging to spot at first. However, after analyzing the buds more closely, I recognized the new buds had just a hint of yellow forming around the edges. The dead ones were solid light green, with no hint of sunshine peeking through. Turning to Jonathan I said, "ah, now I see what you see. There, that is a dead head. And over here, that one is fresh and good." Smiling, he said, "yes, and we just need to do some dead heading so the plants can flower more beautifully and spread the way we want them to."

For the next hour or so, we trimmed the dead heads off of each plant. Some of the buds needing to be cut were on top and fairly easy to spot. It was, however, necessary to peel back the small branches on the plant in order to identify the dead buds hiding within each plant. Many of these dead heads were deep inside the plants and easily masked by the new growth around them. I had no idea from looking at the outside of the plants that there was so much death underneath.

As my hand brushed the side of the plant, moving the outer branches aside to expose the inside, I was reminded that in life we should go through the same process, continually peeling back the layers of our lives, examining our behavior and motives in our relationships with others. It is true that as Christians we have already been made spiritually whole through Christ's sacrifice. The perfect, sinless God looks upon us and sees flawless beauty, not because of anything good we have done or could ever do. Rather, it is because of who He is and what He's done for us and through us. Growing in sanctification and maintaining that goodness as we relate to others is a different matter, however, because we are all imperfect humans prone to self preservation.

If we want to grow in our relationship with God, and likewise, if we truly want our marriage relationship or the relationships we have with our friends and family to successfully thrive, it is important to examine ourselves regularly. Peel back the layers of your heart and ask yourself some hard questions regarding your motives and you will often find there are more dead heads underneath than you may wish to admit. I am writing this not to shame you, but rather to encourage you. As bad motives or harmful decisions are nipped at the base of the bud one dead head at a time, exponential growth and beauty can happen in your life.  It is an exercise I have to go through every single day in my relationships with Jonathan, my children, coworkers, or friends, as well as in my communications with difficult people or before I consider publishing anything on this site.

After dead heading the lantanas, the plants are growing to their fullest potential. They have produced gorgeous flowers and are covering the crooked brick border along our driveway. So to, as we continuously peel back the own layers of our hearts, attempt to daily eliminate pride and selfish motives within our lives, beauty and authentic holiness can flourish within us. We can love those around us successfully and be happier people as a result.

Power Source

Recently I have been hopping on my bike and enjoying lengthy bike rides. Cycling is a great way to get my legs in shape and enjoy some cardiovascular exercise while enjoying the outdoors. Sights and sounds I wouldn't normally see or hear from a car can be experienced while exploring the area on a bike. By just listening a little on these bike rides, I have heard unusual bird species, children playing in the distance, streams bubbling over rocks, and the breeze flowing through the trees.

Last week I ventured onto a trail, and after a few minutes, turned the corner and found myself riding underneath a giant power station. Dozens of massive power lines spanned the area over my head - blanketing this otherwise rural location with gigantic spheres of power. As I headed west on the trail and pedaled underneath the power lines, I noticed a substantial buzzing sound coming from above me. It was actually a bit frightening because I sensed the immensity of the voltage flowing through the lines.

The power lines are capable of producing electricity for thousands of businesses and homes in the area. I can't really measure or comprehend the extent to which these lines send power to our community, however, hearing the buzzing sound above me so distinctly, I was reminded of the vast power source right above my head available to the surrounding area.

After going about three miles on the trail, I turned around and headed back east. This time, approaching the power lines from the opposite direction, the buzzing sound could no longer be heard. The wind was hitting my face and drowning out the power around me. No doubt the buzz was still happening in that same spot - the electric lines were still carrying massive amounts of power where needed. The difference was I couldn't hear it. The wind against my face was so strong it erased the presence of the power. Sure, I still saw the lines, knew they were there and what they could do. Yet without the experience of that strong buzzing sound, they were really just sticks joined by wires in the sky.

There is truly no greater power than that of the Holy Spirit. The strength He offers believers is even more immense than the power lines that were above my head that day on the bike trail. God is always there, but sometimes we don't experience His presence because the wind is blowing in our face. The sound of trouble or distractions literally drown out our ability to hear and experience the vast power source available to us.

We arrived in Cape Cod yesterday, and this morning I was helping my mom plant some begonias around a large tree in her front yard. Busy placing the plants in strategic locations, making sure the hole was dug just so and the delicate flowers or seedlings did not get damaged, my focus was on the task around me. The spot is also on a slight incline, so it was a bit of a challenge bending over and keeping the watering can upright as I worked my way around the tree. Busy focusing on the job, I didn't notice other sights or sounds around me. Getting tired though, I decided to sit down. For the next few minutes I rested my legs, sat in the shaded grass, and let out a sigh or two. Just then, in the midst of my resting, I began to hear some things around me. In the middle of my busyness a few minutes prior, I had not noticed birds chirping, squirrels scurrying, or the breeze moving through the leaves. Those things were there all along, but now I was fully aware of their presence.

Across the street from this tree, and about fifty feet above the nearby house, I heard an unusual bird calling. Circling overhead was an osprey! Now that isn't a bird a girl living in Virginia sees every day! As I sat and observed the bird's patterns, I began thinking of some plans Jonathan and I have for our future. There are some things we would like to see happen that haven't happened yet. I gently sighed again and then began to hear a whisper to my spirit - "My ways are not your ways... My thoughts are not your thoughts...your ways are not My ways." It was God. I can plan all I want. But what I think is going to happen now may not happen for months to come - if at all. But yet as I stopped, rested, and heard this message, I felt comfort in knowing God has got it no matter what.

The Holy Spirit wishes to speak to us on a regular basis, and He does so in various forms. For me, it is often a gentle internal voice and is usually God's own words as found in Scripture. His power is right there all around us, like the power lines were. It is a vast, beautiful, comforting, and purposeful power source offered freely to us. However, if we are too busy working or focused on a million things rather than sitting and just listening sometimes, we are like I was that day heading east on the bike trail. The wind will drown out the power.

Resting takes practice and is not something I am personally very good at. Notice that as I worked hard planting the flowers, focusing on their placement and safety during the process, it wasn't until I was tired that I stopped to rest. Thankfully, God chose to honor my choice to rest by sending me a beautiful message. I wonder though what I missed prior to that while I was so busy performing my duties in the dirt! Similarly, while heading back through the power station area on the bike trail last week, what if instead of choosing to ride right through that area with the wind hitting my face, I had stopped riding for a few minutes, pulled off the trail, and just stood in that spot to listen? I bet I would have heard the power buzzing through those lines again.

I'm finding more and more that by removing the things from the scene that are distracting me, making a conscious effort to stop and rest, the power source that is there for my spirit has the proper environment to communicate. It takes a conscious choice, but in doing so, we can clearly recognize the presence of the perfect power that is all around us.

The Dogwood's Humble Strength

Drive anywhere around Roanoke right now and you will find the valley bursting with dogwood trees. Gorgeously dusting the area with their white or pink petals, these trees usually pop out in full bloom in late April. And this weekend, the town I reside in honors these trees with its 59th Annual Vinton Dogwood Festival - - a fun family event including craft booths, dancing shows, a carnival, parade, and my favorite - - funnel cakes. Thank you dogwood trees for providing us with another reason to eat those fabulous sweet treats!

The dogwoods have always been my most treasured spring tree. Delicate and fragile in appearance, they don't tower over other blooming trees like the pear, cherry, redbud, or tulip trees. The shape of the dogwood is intricate due to its branch structure. Many have multiple trunks and dozens of complex branches that allow them to grow in various directions. They do not dominate in stature. But their character and gracefulness is flawlessly unique and beautifully creative.

Dogwood trees also actually house some of the strongest wood. Dense and "highly prized for making loom shuttles, tool handles, roller skates, and other small items that require a very hard and strong wood," * the dogwood trees are not only beautiful, but also strong and useful.

Upon examining a white dogwood petal, it may symbolically be compared to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ - - with four points and rust stained edges - - it is a natural painting of the Lord's wounds on the cross. There is no better story of humility than that of the Lord who although fully God and One who could have waved His hand and destroyed His enemies, humbled Himself, suffered, and died for us. Jesus did not stand on a mountaintop and scream his worth to the world, forcing everyone to repent and follow His way or the highway. Nor did He proclaim His perfection. He humbly and perfectly lived it. Jesus completely broke Himself and prayed, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."

In all honesty, I don't think I would've taken what He took. When I am being attacked or am in an uncomfortable situation, my humanity wants to fight back, defend myself, even claim my own worthiness and then speak of the other person's unworthiness. Christ did not do those things, so neither should we. It is better not to participate and if necessary, to remove ourselves from the situation so as to not sin further or say something we will regret and never be able to take back. That is the stronger choice.

Overall, the dogwood tree is the beautiful representation of humility, delicate beauty, usefulness, and surprising strength. It is a picture of Christ-likeness. It's towering cousins may seem superior in appearance, similar to how people who pridefully puff themselves up may seem to have it all and think they are walking the better path. Personally, I prefer the dogwood tree over others, just like I am more comfortable interacting with and learning from people of humble and delicate character. I would also like to be that kind of person.

* Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornus_(genus)

Frying Pan Plan

As a child and young adult, I spent every summer visiting my grandmother on Cape Cod. Preparing for those summer trips was a lengthy process. That was because I made sure everything needed during the summer could be packed in one suitcase and a carry on bag to be flown from my home in California to Massachusetts. My pre-summer vacation routine involved making categorical checklists which to this day my parents still tease me about!

Old habits die hard I suppose, as a similar process was needed when we recently joined some friends on a camping trip. Due to it being early in the camping season with the likelihood of cold nights - - and because yours truly is not known for her camping prowess, we decided it best to rent a camper which had heat, a bathroom, relatively comfy beds, and a full kitchen. Preparations for this camping trip took much planning - - more than I realized! Bathroom supplies, clothes, bedding, kitchen utensils, and food for my husband, his three girls, and myself all had to be included.

We arrived at the campground, unloaded, and were pretty much set the first night. Awesome! What a planner I am! (Just stay tuned...) The next morning we had three hungry girls, a starving mama, and a papa ready and willing to prepare breakfast. It was eggs, bacon, and cereal time. Going in the fridge to grab the eggs, I also pulled out the bacon, orange juice, and milk. Up in the cabinet were the plates, utensils, cups, and cereal. All right! Let's cook those eggs! Oh dear. Guess who forgot the frying pan? That would be me. It is kind of crucial to have something to actually cook the eggs in! It is also a bit challenging to have a bowl of cereal when a certain someone (me again) forgot to pack the bowls. Ugh. But despite my forgetfulness, the girls made the best of it and used plastic cups to eat their cereal. Fortunately our friends also had a frying pan we could borrow to cook the eggs and bacon. Gaps in my flawed plan were filled and all was well.

No matter how much preparation we put into things, we are human. Our plans are bound to be thwarted by our own forgetfulness and humanity - - or by circumstances outside of our control. It is just the way of life that things usually don't go exactly how we think they will go. It can be very frustrating, especially if we put a ton of time and heart into our plans. However, those are the times when God often steps in, cleans up our messes, and provides just what we need. He reminded me of my planning imperfection that camping weekend - - as well as His ability to perfectly provide.

"In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9

Look at Me. Not the Wind.

Peter was one of the strongest, most faithful disciples. When Peter first met Jesus along the edges of the sea, he was feeling professionally frustrated. Unable to catch any fish, Peter the fisherman soon witnessed his new friend Jesus turn the sea into pure prosperity as together they miraculously netted thousands of fish. Suddenly at the hand of Jesus, Peter's troubles ceased. Over the next few months, Peter would see Jesus perform miracle after miracle. The impossible became possible to Peter just by being in the presence of the Son of God.

Such was the case the day Jesus fed 5,000 people from just a small basket of bread and fish. Offering the baskets up to the Father, Jesus prayed and then Peter saw many baskets passed among the thousands. Not a single person went hungry that day. Soon after that miraculous event, Jesus asked his disciples to get in the boat and meet him on the other side of the water.

Nearly the entire night passed as the disciples were alone on the boat crossing the water. A storm began to whip the waves around. The wind was fierce and the people in the boat were undoubtedly worried. In the distance, they saw what they thought was a ghost, but it was no apparition. It was their Lord.

Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage!  It is I. Don't be afraid."

Lord if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water

and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and,

beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Riding in a boat during a wind storm can be quite scary. I have been out in a small boat when the winds were only around 10 mph with surrounding swells of 3-4 feet. Experiencing waves of that size while in a small boat is a frightening feeling. If Peter was walking on wind driven waves that night, the swells were probably more like 6-10 feet. And it was dark.

How striking that Peter had enough faith to step out of the boat in the middle of the sea - - in a storm no less - - to walk toward Jesus. However, the moment he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on the wind, he began to sink. And then he cried out begging for his life. Jesus had mercy on Peter and immediately grabbed him, saving his life. Then He spoke:

"You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

Why, after everything Peter had seen Jesus do those months before, did he doubt Jesus? When it was he that needed a miracle, why didn't Peter simply look at Jesus and trust that he could walk all the way to him without sinking?

And why, after everything God has done for us, do we doubt?  It is truly our natural tendency to look at the challenges around us instead of focusing completely on what the Lord is obviously capable of doing on our behalf. This is especially true when things are severely dire, like it was for Peter. When our lives are on the line, or the lives of those we love the most are, we tend to look at the wind. We rarely look fully - -  completely - - directly - - at God. And simply trust.

Just as Jesus said to Peter, God says to us today , "Look at Me... Not the Wind." To focus on the many potential obstacles instead of on the Lord's ability to handle all of it can cause the issue to seem insurmountable. And it really isn't. He has the power and will to grab us right out of the water and make the wind stop blowing. ~

A Protective Dance

Every night this winter while leaving work, I have been entertained by starlings engaging in their nightly dancing ritual. It is a fascinating phenomenon, watching these dark birds gather together by the thousands. When approached by a predator, normally a falcon, just one bird can shift the movement of the entire flock. The pattern of movement within this murmuration is gorgeous, graceful, and as it turns out - - necessary for their survival. Studies have been done to analyze how a tiny shift from just one bird can cause the entire group of birds to follow. Scientific mystery follows these birds but one thing is clear: by joining together, they experience community and protection. As onlookers, we have the opportunity to view one of nature's most gorgeous sky ballets.

It is amazing that hundreds of these birds can be resting in a tree or on a power line, and then when sensing the threat of a nearby falcon, lift off into the air and commence a protective dance. The starlings are always on guard - - always prepared to outwit their predator.

As human beings, we are occasionally approached by a predator -- a nemesis -- someone who aggravates us - - gets under our skin - - or worse, tries to destroy us. Lord knows there are several people in my own life that just never seem to stop their pursuit of destruction. None of us is immune to dealing with those type of people from time to time. I pray for them.

But there is a much greater predator that concerns me. He is the great tempter - - the one who knows our weaknesses - - and capitalizes on them. The older I get, and the more joy and sorrow I experience, the more I believe the apostle Paul was completely accurate in stating that, "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  

My weaknesses have changed and evolved over the years as circumstances have changed. It used to be that I was tempted by the things of this world: acquiring worldly possessions, gaining attention, and thoughts of a better life. I would wish for a bigger, better decorated house. Or I would read romance novels or watch television, allowing my mind to create thoughts of a more romantic life than what I was experiencing in my prior relationship. Those things have harmed me in the past. They have separated me from God. But rarely do thoughts like that enter my mind or heart anymore. I just don't care about worldly possessions very much, probably because losing what you used to have financially can make you appreciate just being able to buy groceries or pay the power bill. I am also so over the top in love in my marriage that my mind wandering toward anyone other than my husband doesn't even enter the picture. I am grateful for that.

However, because our spiritual enemy knows my heart and intentions, he has now become much craftier. Where he used to place a handsome man in front of me to think about, he now knows I am only going to see Jonathan's face. He doesn't place cute little knick knacks for the house or sparkly jewelry in front of my eyes either, because he knows I just want to have enough money to buy juice boxes for Bobby and Rachel's school lunches.

Instead, the enemy inserts worry, fear, discouragement, and anxiety into my thoughts. I find myself saying "well what if X happens," or "what if this person does Y and that leads to Z." What if. What if. What if. It really seems too like the closer I get to God and the more I serve Him, the more that pesky devil attacks me!

Fortunately though, watching these starlings outside after work has taught me a thing or two about avoiding a predator. First, the starlings are always expecting the falcon to attack. I have watched these birds gather on the power lines near my office and in an instant - - as soon as the predator is approaching - - take off. Within a few seconds they go from sitting on the wire to starting their synchronized protective dance. One of the biggest mistakes I make in my Christian walk is to keep sitting - - wallowing in my feelings - - when the spiritual attack is imminent. The starlings don't hesitate. They sense the falcon: they flee and join with others to create a cohesive protective unit. And I should do the same.

Once the starlings have avoided the initial predatory attack, they find it necessary to continuously shift their pattern in the air. As the predator attempts an attack from behind, beside, or above them, they are highly successful in shifting. How often do you see starlings bumping into each other and crashing to the ground as they go about this dance in the sky? Never. They are so successful in strategically adjusting, it is unlikely the falcon is going to be successful in catching its prey. Similarly, as spiritual attacks come, I too need to be smart. If the enemy is putting thoughts of dread or fear into my head, I need to immediately shift my thinking. Waiting to flee is to put myself in spiritual danger. Instead of dwelling in that dangerous place, I need to cling to, and verbally proclaim, the Word of God. I need to shift my thoughts to the truth and tell the devil to get lost.

Because the truth is I am much more powerful than a starling. The devil has absolutely no right to be swarming around my head. He has already been defeated by Christ, and Christ dwells within me. The enemy can do nothing to me outside of the will of God. True, bad things happen. Obstacles I never thought possible face me every single day. But by learning to shift away from the predator like the starlings do - - to join together with others with the same goals - - perhaps I too can commence a gorgeous and graceful protective dance.

A look at starlings in action.

I AM Right in Front of You

After attending a birthday party Saturday night in Roanoke's Southwest County, we returned home via the Blue Ridge Parkway. Doing so allows us to avoid the stoplights, traffic, and less desirable parts of town that we otherwise would have to drive through to get to our home on the western edge of Bedford County. Riding on the parkway at night is similar to the daytime in that it isn't a heavily traveled road. That is nice because it is always a peaceful drive devoid of traffic. However, it is starkly different than during the day in that it is extremely dark. Unable to see the beautiful scenery the parkway offers in the daylight hours, I find it to be dangerous due to creatures entering the road whenever they please. Deer are famous for crowding the parkway at night, so it is essential that eyes constantly be kept on the road. There are no street lights and very few additional cars to light the way, and it is impossible to see anything clearly past the reach of the automobile's headlights.

If you look ahead a few hundred feet, you will notice the headlights illuminating various signs posted ahead, similar to this photo. The signs glow in the midst of the darkness surrounding them, but they are blurry, and they can't be clearly distinguished or read until they are properly lit. All that the driver and passengers can view along the road is what is precisely in front of the vehicle.

What we experience on a dark parkway at night is similar to how life can be, and how we should respond to the hazy, slightly-lit-far-ahead-signs in our future. Just as the car only lights what is right in front of us, in Psalm 119:105, God's Word is described as a "lamp for my feet, a light on my path." The Bible does not say that God provides a giant strobe light giving us answers for everything that is far, far ahead. Instead, He provides just enough light - - just enough truth - - to show us where our feet need to walk in that moment. He illuminates the path so our eyes can see only what is necessary for us to see right then.

It can be scary and frustrating - - not being able to see further down the road. Those signs are glowing in the midst of the darkness down there! Wouldn't it be nice if we could just read them all now so we'd know exactly what to expect? Well, if we focus too much on what may harm or help us down the road several hundred feet, we may miss the danger - - or even the beauty - - that is along the path God is lighting for us right here and right now. 

I believe that is one reason why God described Himself to Moses as "I AM." As Moses was preparing to rescue the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians, he asked the Lord who he should say gave him the authority. "God said to Moses, I AM WHO I AM." This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'" Exodus 3:14. The people were living in such an inhumane environment, struggling every single day just to survive as slaves. They needed the assurance of God's current sustaining presence.

God could have easily told Moses to say, "tell them I am the God who will do amazing things in your future, rescue you from the hands of the Pharaoh, part the Red Sea, kill your enemies, and bring you to a land flowing with milk and honey." Those words may have offered limited comfort to the Israelites, but considering they were struggling to eat, drink, and stay alive due to the harsh conditions they suffered, they most likely would've rolled their eyes at him and said, "yeah right, I need water NOW."

Also, if God had told them about their future, He would've also had to include the difficult things they were about to endure. True, the Israelites did escape captivity. They did see Pharoah's army swallowed up by the Red Sea after their own families miraculously crossed through it. But before that happened, their workload increased in difficulty. After Moses showed up and demanded their release, Pharoah commanded that the slaves begin collecting their own straw to build the bricks. In essence he punished them the second Moses arrived, and it didn't stop there. Quotas for what was expected of them didn't lesson, even as their toil grew harder. Multiple plagues crossed the land they inhabited. If God were to shine a strobe light on all the details of our future, I am not really sure we would have the strength to keep going. There is enough trouble right where we are, in today. That is why He only lights our feet along the path.

Similarly, God could have said to Moses, "tell them I am the God who provided for your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. Believe in me because of what I have done in the past for your people. That should give you faith." Looking to what God has done for you in the past is a helpful reminder, but it usually isn't enough to strengthen us during present troubles.

God didn't tell Moses He is the God that was or the God that will be. Instead, he told Moses to tell them, "I AM has sent me to you." Those people needed to feel God with them in the NOW. And so do we. Knowing that Christ is fully present in what we are dealing with NOW gives us the strength to keep driving down the dark road. So often we dwell on our past mistakes, or our fear of the future. Through this Scripture, and experiencing the road only lit right in front of me Saturday night along the parkway, I am inclined to believe that our duty is to recognize that God is the great "I AM," the One who wants us to walk down the path that He promises to light for us, one step at a time. Eventually those glowing signs in the distance will no longer be blurry, because He will bring His light and clarity to all of it.

Hungry Birds

Mr. and Mrs. Bird are two beautiful parakeets we have introduced into our home over this past year. Mr. Bird came to our family first in the spring and proved to be more antisocial than we hoped. I do believe he is a chicken - - not a parakeet! As his cage is approached, Mr. Bird darts around, working as hard as he can to hide somewhere - - anywhere -- so as to not be removed from the perceived safety of his home. 

He is also extremely particular regarding the food he eats. The small round millet seed has, from the start, been the only food he will touch. And of course that food is not what is best for him. It is like candy, providing little to no nourishment for his growing body. My husband has even taken the little green bird out of the cage, made a special pellet mash, and placed the nutritional food down Mr. Bird's throat - - only to have him spit it right back up like a little child.

Stubborn, stubborn bird.

Despite multiple attempts to increase his sociability and feed him properly, we finally decided this summer to introduce a female companion in hopes that the two of them would mate. Perhaps if there are little parakeet babies, we can train them to be hand-fed social creatures that completely trust us and receive the proper nutrition.

Introducing Mrs. Bird into the family shortly after our own wedding this summer was the right decision, because although the two of them haven't decided to procreate yet, they do greatly enjoy each other's company. They groom, speak to, and care for one another. It is really sweet. Mr. Bird has seemed happier, and has even started eating a second type of seed from his food because he has observed his wife eating it. That is progress at least.

Mr. Bird (left) and Mrs. Bird (right)

"Try the red ones honey! I promise they're yummy too!"

(She says to him as she supervises from above)

Since the two lovebirds haven't decided to do the deed quite yet (although they're getting closer thankfully,) we haven't given up on their social training. Some time ago, we decided that in order to increase the likelihood of having both birds trust us as their masters, we would cease putting the candy-like food inside their cage dishes. The nutritional pellets are there, and Mrs. Bird just today of all days as I'm writing began snacking on it!

To ensure the birds stay healthy and don't squawk at us continuously demanding to be fed, we open up the door, hold our hand out, and let them step up to us to get their food. It is good when a parakeet comes to his master - listens to him, freely steps up onto his hand, and trusts him. If the birds aren't very hungry, they do the dart around, hide and ignore us trick. Tonight though, both birds freely came to me because they were genuinely hungry. As their master, I was pleased. They trusted me, and they were blessed with full bellies. I even returned them to the safety of their cage home because I knew, as their parent, that's what they wanted. I love those sweet little birds.

You know what? I really am just like my parakeets! Especially Mr. Bird. I'm often scared and prone to darting around everywhere in my little world - - sincerely afraid to trust my Master. How silly of me since He is the One with the exact food I need. He opens up His perfectly capable and loving hand and feeds me just what I need. Admittedly, especially recently, I am not always returned to the safety of my cage home! But He is feeding me in the ways He knows I need to be fed. There is peace in the spiritual safety He is providing for me, even though the circumstances haven't exactly been ideal. No doubt about it, my Master has got it because He loves me. His intent is never to harm me, just like I would never intentionally harm these sweet beautiful little parakeets. Same goes for how He feels about you.

The song below is a beautiful reminder of how God is the one who feeds those of us who are spiritually hungry. Please consider closing your eyes to listen and worship.

After observing the behavior of our birds, I am convinced that God has put those two creatures in our home to show me exactly how weak and out of control I am and how incredibly strong and capable of feeding me God truly is.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

Because You Loved Me

When you arrived, I knew. You smiled through your eyes, and I saw your soul. Sharing the depths of my experiences and feelings with you right away was a risk, because I didn't think it was possible to be loved unconditionally. There was so much hurt inside. Yet you proved me wrong, accepting me from the start. Somehow you are able to love me more each day!

You believed in me when I did not... gave me faith because you believed. Although my light was dim and faded, you still saw it there. Believing in my potential, somehow seeing my heart, you stayed... and loved me. Now I am ready to face whatever God has planned for us.

Through each challenge, you have held me. You are my strength... guiding me each step to do what is best in the battles we face. I am able to love more fully because of what you teach me, my beloved. You speak for me when I don't have the words. Kindness adorns your lips and guides your actions.

In describing you here, I am also describing Christ. You are the epitome of the love of Christ, displaying it daily in your relationship with me.

You are the only gift I need this Valentine's Day. Just you! xo

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

In June of 1988, a week after my sophomore year of high school ended, I boarded a plane from my home in Southern California to join my parents and sister in our new home located in Roanoke, Virginia. It was something that at the time, I absolutely did not want to do. Two years prior, our family moved from Northern California to Southern California. I had begun to establish friendships in Southern California and knew the pain involved in moving because this was my third move since I was nine. My parents were kind enough to let me stay an extra week in the Los Angeles area with my friends, but the day finally did come when I had to leave. During the long flight eastward that day in June, I remember writing my thoughts down through tears: "Why do I have to start over again? Why do I have to say goodbye to people I care about? Why can't my home just stay my home?"

Very few flights go directly into Roanoke, and such was the case on that flight. My plane landed at Charlotte Douglas International Airport, where I was to find my connecting flight to Roanoke. I exited the plane nervously thinking about how to maneuver my way around the airport screens then to the correct gate. As I stepped into the Charlotte terminal and began looking around, guess who was standing there? My daddy. First came shock, then a smile, then the tears. Only a kind-hearted, completely in touch with his daughter kind of daddy would do something like this. My nerves were instantly shattered in my daddy's presence, and the last leg to my new home was a whole lot more pleasant because I shared it with him. 

When school started that year, I quickly became connected to a wonderful group of friends. The pain I had over moving dissipated, and my new life in Virginia began. My friends were involved in a local Baptist church, so because I was both spiritually inquisitive and wanting to hang out with them, I attended regularly. In May of 1989, after participating in a musical with the youth group, I walked up to the pastor, prayed, and became a Christian. For the next few years, that decision proved to be both the greatest blessing and the greatest curse of my life. I had peace and purpose beyond anything I had ever experienced. I knew deep within myself that I was right where I needed to be with my Creator. But unfortunately things were not so smooth at home. My parents' spiritual backgrounds were much different than the Baptist influence their daughter had just dove into.  My dad grew up in a Catholic family and community. He, however, had a bad taste in his mouth because he saw hypocrisy, hate, and control within the Church. In fact his mother, brother, and sister's priest commanded them not to go to my parents wedding back in 1963 because she was a Protestant - - that it was sinful for my dad to be marrying outside the Catholic Church. He often joked that he would never be caught dead in church on Palm Sunday because "all kinds of people go that week just to get the free palms." 

My parents saw my passion for this new Lord and church back in 1989, and I believe it frightened them. It definitely had to be culture shock coming from the North, to the West Coast, to the South. Up North, people are generally very private about their lives. Spiritual matters are not usually openly discussed. Out West, we found the people to be very nice but often very materialistic. I'm certain there are Christian communities everywhere, but nothing like what you will find down South. Here in Roanoke, there are eleven pages of churches in the phone book. Hundreds of churches! Among the first questions you are asked around here is, "where do you go to church?"

Now that I'm an adult and a parent, I can understand and empathize with the concerns my parents had regarding my new found faith. However for me, the spiritual transformation I experienced was not about the Southern culture, pastoral manipulation, or spiritual weirdness. It was always about my relationship with the One who created and loved me. God had entered my heart and changed me. He became the center of my life, and it was only natural for me to want to share the joy that was within me. I wanted nothing more than for my parents to know what I knew - - just the joy and the peace.  Cookie cutter Christianity is not my parents' way and that is okay. I'm sure that I didn't approach it the way I should have, but I was just a baby - both in physical age and spiritual age.  I just wanted my mom and dad to understand that Christ's perfection replaces our imperfection, and all He wants is our heart. This gift God gives us is so easy to accept because He gives it so freely. My mom and dad don't realize this, but I spent years praying for them. I prayed their hearts would be softened to God's love. However, there was prayer after prayer after prayer, and all I saw from my dad in particular was push back and arguments about how bad the church is.

But then about five years ago - - something happened. For most of his adult life, my dad's relationship with his brother Henry was strained. When we would visit Massachusetts and try to see him, we wouldn't get return phone calls. There was this silent tension between the two of them, and I never understood why. Dad had his theories about what caused it - - maybe Henry was upset that we moved away from the family? Maybe he was upset that Dad wasn't there when Nana was struggling in a nursing home? Maybe ? Maybe ?  Frankly, Dad was baffled. So one day, after Dad had done just about everything he possibly could think to do to get through to my uncle, I said "Daddy, why don't you write Uncle Hank a letter and just tell him that you're sorry. I know you aren't sure what you've done, but maybe you have done something. Saying you're sorry, asking for forgiveness from someone, is an extremely powerful thing." So Dad did just that. A few weeks letter, Dad received a letter back from his brother saying that my dad had done nothing, that he felt he had been a bad brother, was sorry, and hoped God would forgive him. 

That single correspondence between my dad and his brother Henry opened up their relationship into something so beautiful. Over the next few years, there were phone calls and visits and dinners out. When my uncle became sick and ultimately passed away a couple of years ago, my dad was the executor of his brother's estate. My uncle trusted my dad with everything, and my dad did an incredible job ensuring everything and everyone was taken care of.

What happened between my dad and his brother - - this incredible exchange of forgiveness and love - - changed my dad. All of a sudden dad was praying. Every day, my dad was going to church to pray. He developed written prayers for everyone in the family, and faithfully executed those prayers every single day. He still does! When he's here in Roanoke, he goes to St Andrews and prays. When I know I'm facing something difficult, I'll email him and ask him to pray that morning. He always does. We have seen incredible things happen in our family in the midst of the struggles, and I know in the depths of my gut that it is in large part due to my father's prayers.

What is most amazing to me is how during my own spiritual and relational struggles the past three years, my dad was stronger than me spiritually. More times than I can count he has told me to cling to my faith, to believe that God has a purpose, and to pray. I believe my prayers for my dad have been answered ten-fold. Not only does my Dad know the same exact Lord I know, he displays God's love to others better than almost every Christian I know.

On this Father's Day weekend, I want my father to know that I love him with all of my heart, am so incredibly grateful for everything he and Mum do for me, and am so proud to call him my daddy!