In the winter
of 1994, one year after losing their baby around twelve weeks in utero, Chad
and Amie Coleman desperately wanted a family. At a church service one Wednesday
evening, former Cave Spring Baptist Church pastor Chip Roberson and the deacons
of Bethel Baptist Church in Chesapeake prayed with the Colemans. The next day,
Amie Coleman received a positive pregnancy test result. Amazingly, the due date
for this baby was the same as for Amie’s previous pregnancy. The child born to
Chad and Amie Coleman on November 9, 1994 was Chandler Coleman.
Chad Coleman,
Associate Pastor of Education at Cave Spring Baptist Church, describes Chandler,
who passed away from brain injuries sustained in a dirt bike accident on Poor Mountain in November of 2010, as perfect.
Sixteen year old Chandler Coleman was talented, smart, a well-respected leader
among his peers, and an active Bible teacher for young children.
Chandler’s
best friend Anna McKinney, who witnessed the tragic accident, says everyone
liked Chandler. Anna shares that during Vacation Bible School at Cave Spring
Baptist, “the little kids clung to him. They loved him so much. He could keep a
long conversation going with a five year old about toys and kids shows, just as
well as he could have a deep intellectual conversation with an adult.” Anna describes
Chandler as one who loved laughter and having fun. Yet she especially adored
his serious side. “To me,” she says, “he was just the best friend anyone could
ask for. He set the example for how teenagers should be. He respected and
really cared about people. We could talk about anything. I especially liked our
‘deep’ conversations about God and the Bible. He always knew what to say at the
right time.”
As the
Coleman family has grieved Chandler’s death the past fifteen months, what
distinguishes them as a family who has not only survived, but thrived their way
through such a tragedy, is perhaps their ability to keep their son and brother a
part of the family. In addition to Chandler, the Coleman’s have a son Caleb
(16), a son Corben (8), and a daughter Carlie (6). Amie says,“the kids talk
about him daily. They want to see his videos. Every night at bedtime when we
say our prayers, we include Chandler. Carlie will pray ‘I love Mom, Dad,
Chandler, Caleb, and Corben.’”
Like Anna, Caleb
Coleman was with Chandler during the accident. He speaks openly about his
brother, describing him as respectfully quiet in public but fun and open at
home or with friends. “Chandler would say things that sometimes didn't make
sense or phrases that were uniquely his, but it didn't matter. It was hilarious
and everyone embraced it! To this day, [my friend] Nick and I talk about one of
the things he used to say….’sweetness gracious’. I don't know where it came
from, it was just something he said and it has stuck with us.”
In addition
to keeping Chandler’s memory alive each day as a family, Chad and Amie Coleman also
did not want their marriage to be added to a statistic of failed marriages
stemming from horrific circumstances. Their relationship has remained solid and
strengthened as they’ve balanced each other out through their approaches to
this grief process.
When Chandler
first passed away, Amie created a blog entitled “In the Hands of God.” Written
by “Amie, forever Chandler’s mom,” her purpose was to record everything she
could about Chandler, the accident, and the days following it. “I didn’t want
to forget anything, bad or good,” Amie says. She writes of her struggles of
grief, anger, depression, and questioning – as well as triumphs of faith and memories
of laughter, joy, and hope. For the past fifteen months, Amie has ministered to
hundreds of friends, family, and strangers, by beautifully articulating her
feelings, thoughts and memories. Her website is also an irreplaceable gift for Chandler’s
siblings, extended family, and friends. Amie says, “once I got to writing, it
was good. I would ball through a lot of it, but once it was out there, I was
glad that I had it. And it felt good to even get it out of me, on the screen.”
More by
personal make-up and not by choice, Chad describes his initial grief reactions as
robotic and mechanical. He says, “I considered the facts. The fact is he’s
gone. The fact is God is still good. The fact is I still have to go to work. It wasn’t
until the one year mark approached that I started to come out of the
mechanical. This way of doing things has run its course and here comes the
crash.” Chad now may sit and stare at Chandler’s pictures and cry for hours on
end. As that year mark came and passed, Chad found tremendous comfort in the
strength Amie
has already gained by working through many grief emotions.
Other than
the direct impact sixteen year old Chandler had on his community and the people
who loved him, the Colemans consider successful organ donation the greatest
blessing of their son’s life. The family received word in January of 2011 that
Chandler’s kidneys, liver, lungs, and heart were all successfully transplanted.
Recipients included a fifty-seven year old father of five, a fifty-five year
old mother of two, a thirty-one year old man, an eighteen year old student, and
an eleven year old girl, who received Chandler’s heart. The Colemans have received
letters from the recipients of Chandler’s liver and lungs, and all the organs Chandler
donated are functioning well.
This summer
Chad is returning to Southeastern Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina to
obtain Master and Doctorate degrees in Christian school education. The Colemans
ministerial journey as a family began in Wake Forest in 1999, when Chandler was
entering Kindergarten. Leaving this area, the place where Chandler last lived, died
and is buried, is going to be difficult for the Colemans. They struggle with thoughts of not
being able to visit his burial place whenever they wish, but they also find
comfort in knowing they are returning to the place where so many years were
also spent with Chandler.
The most critical
years Chandler Coleman had for impacting the lives of others were lived here in
the Cave Spring community. He was respected by everyone who knew him. In fact, Amie Coleman describes her son almost identical to
her husband, saying, “Chandler was the best first baby
you could ever want. Every parent thinks their child is perfect, but he really
was and he is.”
Amie still
occasionally posts to “In the Hands of God.” Her website can be located at http://amie-coleman.blogspot.com/.
The article I wrote above was published in the April 20, 2012 edition of the Cave Spring Connection, property of Montgomery Publishing LLC.
